So, everybody already knows some examples proving my theory. Every man worth his salt should know about fat questions and beauty questions. If a woman says to you "Does this bracelet make me look fat?" or "Do you think Kathy Griffin is prettier than I am?" you immediately respond with a resounding and emphatic "NO." This is pretty much old hat; I would venture to guess that any man that is still having sex on any kind of a regular basis already has this part figured out.
But my theory extends much further than what you might learn in Answers to Women's Questions 101. For example, let's say a man and a woman are both innocently getting dressed in the morning (and by "getting dressed" I mean that she is getting dressed and he is sitting on the bed watching for whatever gratuitous glimpses he might be awarded). The woman turns to the man and says "Do you think I should wear the peach shirt or the lavendar shirt?" This is a classic example of a question that might sometimes take the man off-guard and lead him to believe that she really wants his opinion. She doesn't, and that's okay -- but it's a cruel trick to his already-waivering ego. Note that this example is not limited to clothes; it can be used when asking for opinions on any number of topics -- from attending baby showers, to re-gifting, to restaurant options.
But my favorite example of tricksy womanses asking questions simply to make us men believe we have a choice is the ever-dangerous "Do-It-Or-Else Question." This is a tactic that a woman uses (it is NEVER, EVER used by a man) which sneakily gives us the impression that we have a choice. Examples of this kind of question are: "Would you like to take out the garbage?" "Do you think it would be a good idea to turn here?" "Do you want to dust the living room before our friends get here?" "Do you think maybe you've eaten too many Swedish Fish today?" "Will you help me during the commercial break?" These questions are very misleading because, on the surface, they are asking for your opinion. Men, do not be fooled! You have no choice in the matter; you will do it, or else. The question mark so offhandedly attached to the end of the sentence means nothing.
The interesting part of my theory is that most women don't even recognize their unnatural non-need for a man's feedback. I wonder why...
10 comments:
Duh... We don't need your answers. We just want you to feel included.
Love ya, Babe!
It's true with one exception. I've found that the questions with "you" in the sentence don't generally need to be answered. For example: "what do you think of this shirt" or "do you think we should dust?" Questions like "where is the nearest Dairy Queen" or "Why did that car explode" are questions that we actually need the answer to. A good rule of thumb is this: if it requires your opinion, then we don't need your answer. If the answer is an actual fact, we probably do need your answer. Clear enough?
If you would do things right the first time we wouldn't bother with the trickery :) And sometimes we ask questions we really don't need/want an answer to just to make sure you are still engaged in the conversation and aware we are in the room :) We are magnificently complicated creatures aren't we? (you decide if I really want you to answer that)
Kudos on the perceptive observation and conclusion. You should really write a book and send it out into the world so that other males might benefit from your hard won knowledge.
See, my husband tries those tricks with me, with a slight tweak -- he says "I think we really should weed the flower bed." or "We need clean out the fridge."
He says "we" but he's really giving ME the assignment.
(I forgot to say that.)
I like feedback...just not the critical kind...or the disagreeing kind...or the kind that is too brutally honest!! :)
Somewhere in the female psyche it makes sense that, when you want a guy to do something for you, and you don't want to sound like you're ordering him, you phrase it as a question. It feels like a softer request to us, a more loving way of asking you to do something.
But I'll never forget the lesson you taught me when you said, "If you want me to do something, just TELL me." I have practiced it on your younger male siblings with some success.
I've learned that if I ask Paul to do something in my soft voiced, batty eyelashes kind of way and refer to him as darling then give him a "You're so WONDERFUL" with a hug and a kiss afterwards I can get him to do just about anything. He's been quite helpful around the house lately. :)
Or, he could just be more helpful because he missed us so much the two weeks we were with you guys. Who knows? I just hope it lasts!
I just love this blog, my husband really agrees with everything you write...everytime we get into an argument now, he always comments like" i wonder what Kninsa and shem would say" lol...
Post a Comment