"You're young, you're drunk, you're in bed, you have knives..." ~Angelina Jolie

I love Angelina.  Unashamedly.  Unabashedly.  It all started with her best movie ever filmed, back in 1995.  I was young and impressionable.  So was she.  I was a total nerd high schooler with lots of angst.  She was a total nerd hacker chick with lots of sex appeal.  It was meant to be.

I've stuck with her through it all, thick and thin.  I cursed her marriage to that sissy Johnny Lee, and applauded her divorce from the same.  I struggled during her paternal estrangement, hoped for reconciliation even as I admired her abilities as Lara Croft, and cried the day she permanantly dropped Voight from her name.  The image of her kissing her brother has been difficult to remove from my brain.  Lasering off the "Billy Bob" tattoo was a painful part in our relationship, but removing the window from her back was symbolic and momentous.

But... but... our closeness is finally becoming strained, possibly beyond repair.  She has recently been quoted as saying about Brad that "sooner or later it will be the kids who ask us (to get married).  You know, they see films and start asking questions.  Such as, 'Why are Shrek and Fiona married and you're not?'"  Honestly Angie??  You're going to marry that pretty-boy simply because Fiona did?  You've got to be kidding me!  Being with him was forgivable; getting pregnant was deplorable; trying to move to France and build a motorcycle track on 900-year-old property was disgusting; this might be the final straw, you weirdo.

No wait, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.  Please, please make Gone in 62 seconds.