Anyway, the point is that I have recently made an astounding discovery: I am a superhero. An honest-to-goodness, super-power-wielding superhuman. And please don't confuse me with the "fake" superheroes, like Batman or Iron Man. Those imposters don't even have super powers; they just happen to be really rich and bored and have an extremely eclectic taste in toys. I'm talking about real honest-to-goodness superheroes, like Superman or The Tick.
My special power (that I didn't even have to wade through reactive goop to obtain) is the ability to extract bodily fluids from people, at will. This power is specifically targeted at (but not limited to) my children. I'm the only person I know that can -- and does -- consistently make Canerib laugh so hard he pees his pants. I also have the ability to make Pookie constantly "miss" the toilet. I can make a finger-prick turn into a gusher with little effort. I can make Pookie throw up (or come dangerously close) almost daily. And this last weekend I actually gave Pookie a bloody nose.
Bring it on, super-villains! Nobody can match me!
4 comments:
And yes, he expects me to sew him a cape for this.
I want to be a super hero, but sadly I would probably be one of the not-really-super-superhero types who only has a lot of money and EXCELLENT taste in fun toys. You are so lucky!
Shem, you sew?? Or, do you mean tie a flat sheet around his neck and call is sewing? I can't picture you behind a sewing machine! LOL Do you even own one?
you've got mad skills, Body Fluid Man!
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